One friend is good, but “finding your people” is better.
One of the worst things in the world for a caring adult is to see a chronically lonely child.
There are a bunch of possible reasons for loneliness in kids:
Moving to a new community
An ongoing social learning challenge
Falling on the painful side of bullying or social power struggles
Not knowing where to find "their people" in a crowd
Well meaning adults feel pretty helpless with lonely kids, and in our desperation, usually make a pretty giant mistake when trying to help:
"All they need is ONE friend. Just ONE. I'd do anything to find them ONE FRIEND."
It seems like a simple enough wish: to find your child just one friend. One friend to play with at recess, one kid to hang out with on the weekend. Just one person to share feelings and laughs with... one friend who will make everything better.
Except it's not that simple. That's a REALLY tall order to put on one kid.
When a child has ONE friend, what happens when the friend is out sick, or God forbid, moves to Tallahassee? What happens when the kids need a (totally natural!) break from one another, and it feels like a painful rejection? When we put all of our hopes on just one person, the normal ebbs and flows of friendship can feel like incredible rejection.
So what do we do? Shift the goals from trying to find "just one friend" to helping the child "find their people." Start with interests.
Got a kid who loves painting and Play-Doh? Get that kid into an art class.
Have a child who loves Minecraft more than anything? Find a local place that offers classes in coding, modding, and group builds.
Anime and gaming? Find local groups that gather teens and encourage cosplay, comic books, and LARPing.
When kids are truly around their people, the likeliness of finding more than one meaningful connection increases dramatically.
So where does a frazzled adult look to find these groups?
Start with school. Ask the school counselor, nurse, or tech teacher about groups at school or in the community. It's surprising how often lonely kids coexist in school without seeing one another. Describe your child's non-academic interests... a caring teacher will be able to go through the Rolodex in their mind and help connect your child with like-minded kids.
A Gathering Place. There are places that are purposely built for your child and their people! Maybe it's a local card and game store, or maybe it's a fencing studio. Maybe it’s a hiking club for teens. Google, specifically, what your child loves to do and you might be surprised!
Talk to the Local Librarian. Librarians are underutilized local geniuses. They know where the knitting circles are in town, and they know what groups show classic Dr. Who episodes on Friday night.
Ask other Parents. Hop onto a local parenting page or group on Facebook and put it out there. "I have a 13-year-old who is super into classic video games. Where do all of the Sonic and Zelda fans hang out around here? You may be surprised to find out that there is a large crowd of kids collecting old gaming consoles.
Helping a lonely kid find their people is a challenge, but is so worth the effort. Don't give up. There truly are several lids for every pot.